Couples Therapy

Are you struggling in your relationship or marriage right now?

Are you having recurrent fights with your partner, maybe hours at a time, with the sense of going nowhere and that nothing really changes, no matter how much you try to talk/resolve your issues?
Do you feel alone/disconnected from your partner (you never spend time together) or suffocated by your relationship (you are literally always together)?
Do you feel like negative past relationships and experiences are impacting the quality of your current relationship?
Do you find it hard to trust your partner?
Was there ever a significant breach of trust in your current or past relationships (i.e. affairs/betrayal)?
Are you thinking about getting your relationship to the next step (i.e. getting married, buying a house/moving in together, having kids etc) but you are not quite sure it is the right thing to do?

These are just a few of all the very common issues couples experience at some point during their relationships. Being in a relationship, especially at the beginning, during the honeymoon phase, might feel magical and easy! Our brain is completely flooded by chemicals (like dopamine) that make falling in love seamless. However, this first relationship phase where everything seems easy soon fades away, and we understand that relationships in fact require really hard work! Moreover, none really teaches us what that hard work looks like! In fact, either than sex education classes, schools typically (I am saying typically because I am aware this is finally starting to change, see here) do not offer classes on marriage and relationship education. Teenagers and adults alike, in fact, do not receive any education on what it means to be a good partner or what a healthy relationship looks and feels like! Society simply expects us to know all of that and succeed in marriage/relationships on our own. Some of us are lucky enough and have experienced healthy relationships in their lives at some point, (with their parents, friends or partners). Some of us, however (and I know it because this is the case for at least half of my clients, individuals and couples) never experienced healthy relationships, in any form, in their lives and therefore have no idea what a healthy, loving and caring relationship looks/feels like!

A couples therapist can help you, you are not alone!

Again, relationships and marriage issues are SO normal and common! Unfortunately, couples do not know this as they seldom open up to other couples about their intimate issues (understandably), but as a professional, please believe me when I say that right now, as you are reading this, the same issues you are experiencing in your relationship/marriage are experienced by millions of other couples!! The proof that what I am saying is true is the amount of books, articles, couples therapists, relationship counselors and coaches and many other resources out there in the world available to couples! You are not alone, and help is right here for you!

I have seen so much growth in so many couples after they started working on themselves by starting couples counseling (and sometimes individual therapy, too)! You do not have to struggle anymore, the sooner you reach out for help, the better!

Unfortunately, most couples reach out for help too late, as the last attempt to save a relationship/marriage where so much pain and hurt has already been inflicted and experienced that no repair can really be made. According to Dr. John Gottman, in fact, unhappy couples wait an average of six years before seeking help with couples counseling. Even more sadly, on average, 50% of couples get a divorce within their first seven years together. Therefore, if you wait too long to address the issues in your relationship, you might end up on the path towards divorce, instead. In other words, the sooner you enter couples counseling, the higher your chances to resolve your issues and save your relationship/marriage.

In couples therapy with me, I strive to help you:

Learn what is your relationship style
Familiarize with your past relationship (trauma) history and your unhealthy relationship patterns/dynamics that are keeping you stuck NOW
Learn how a healthy relationship looks like
Learn new, healthy relationship patterns by learning how to effectively identify and safely communicate your needs and feelings to your partner (the same skills translate to communication with friends, parents, colleagues and, why not, your boss!)🙂
Reprocess with me any stressful/traumatic relationship memory that is preventing you from moving forward/foster healthy patterns in your current relationship(s)
Experience the transition from feeling you are barely “surviving” to LIVING and LOVING your life, feeling loved, safe and secure within yourself and in your relationships.

Until you familiarize, understand and reprocess/replace your unhealthy relationship patterns with healthy ones, you will continue to engage in unhealthy relationships that make you feel unsafe, insecure and unloved.

By working with me, you will learn how to experience and foster the loving, nurturing and secure relationships you always deserved and wanted. No matter if you are a couple or individual seeking help with therapy, I can help you achieve these goals!

My approach in working with couples (and clients) is integrated (influenced by several therapeutic approaches). However, my most prominent approach in couples work is influenced by Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a short-term structured form of therapy developed in the 1980’s in tandem with the science of adult attachment/bonding. EFT allows couples to feel emotionally connected, as well as more loved and secure in their relationship (learn more here). My approach in couples therapy is trauma informed, experiential and active (I engage my clients with weekly exercises in between sessions to consolidate the new knowledge gained in session). We are going to concentrate on the present issues and negative patterns that are affecting you right now, and you are going to feel like you will have an overall better understanding of your way of relating, as well as having new tools you can use to improve your relationship.

But You May Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…

How do I know if couples counseling will actually help me? How fast can I expect to see the results?

Good question! Each couple is different, and each individual of the couple is unique, therefore, without knowing you as individuals and couples and without knowing your motivation to change, it is very hard to predict when you will start seeing improvements in couples therapy. Usually, motivated clients might expect some relief after a few therapy sessions, due to many factors (i.e. learning new skills/concepts, sense of release/comfort in being taken care of by a professional, venting to a professional and naming things they never knew had a name and were very common etc). However, lasting, therapeutic change, takes time and a lot of effort (12-20 couples therapy sessions, at least) in the sessions and especially in between therapy sessions! The harder you work to implement what you learn in session, the sooner you can expect to feel better and owe new, healthy relationship patterns!

We need help, but what if it’s too late for us to repair our relationship?

Unfortunately, most couples reach out for couples therapy way too late. According to Dr. John Gottman, in fact, unhappy couples wait an average of six years before seeking help with couples counseling. But how do you know if it’s too late to save your relationship/marriage? It’s hard to say, but here are some of the questions you might be asking yourself to see if you still want and might be able to salvage your relationship: do you still admire each other/respect each other? Do you still share the same values/beliefs? Do you still miss each other/like spending time together? Are you still attracted to each other? Are you supporting each other/growing together or are you growing apart? And, probably most importantly, are you both invested in improving the relationship and especially in doing the hard repair work that couples therapy entails?

I always tell my couples that there is no magic wand, no therapist can save your relationship/marriage. We can only guide you in your own understanding of what’s best for you each and as a couple and teach you tools/strategies that might help improve your relationship and communication. I keep telling my clients I can only invite them to change patterns, but the ultimate decision to accept the invitation and actually work to build something different is theirs. Here is a good article that might help you understand the future of your relationship and another one that might help you understand if it’s time to leave your relationship/marriage.

Couples therapy is expensive. Does insurance cover it?

Yes, couples therapy might be a big financial and time investment.

Some insurance panels/plans do offer in network couples therapists, while also offering a partial reimbursement for out of network providers like myself. The decision of using insurance or not is a very personal one. For clients that request it and do meet medical criteria (one of the partners must meet criteria for a clinical diagnosis in order to get insurance coverage), I offer a statement with appropriate details for you to request reimbursement from your insurance carrier. This statement is frequently called a SUPERBILL, and it contains all necessary information to submit to an insurance company. You may contact your insurance to ask if you qualify for a partial reimbursement. This article might help in deciding if you would like to involve insurance or not. Some clients want to keep their privacy, but some do not mind having insurance involved. It’s a very personal choice and I will support any decision you make.

Couples therapy can really help you improve the quality of your relationship and marriage!
Schedule a free, 20-min video consultation with me today here!

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